


Corpse Bride: Hazbin Hotel Edition

by FurbyDisaster53



Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [15]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Corpse Bride (2005) Fusion, F/M, Human Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Human Charlie Magne, Humor, Inspired by Corpse Bride (2005), M/M, Parody, musical numbers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29077428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurbyDisaster53/pseuds/FurbyDisaster53
Summary: Alastor Landry was arranged to marry Charlie Magne. Things go wrong at the wedding rehearsal, so Alastor heads out into the forrest to practice his vows. Unfortunately for Alastor, he accidentally finds himself married to a corpse groom named Angel Dust.
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Charlie Magne
Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974124
Comments: 81
Kudos: 56





	1. According to Plan

It was early morning in Victorian England. Up in his room, Alastor Landry, a brunette with glasses, was sketching a butterfly he caught. Once he was finished, he released the pink butterfly from it’s glass case. 

The butterfly flew into town, and passed Tom Trench, the town crier. “Ten minutes to the Landry and Magne wedding rehearsal!” he shouted.

A man with dark glasses on stood nearby listening. The butterfly flew near him, and he shooed it away with his hand. 

A short man with a cough, Baxter, drove a coach outside of the Landry household. Velvet and Vox Landry stepped out the door, singing. 

“It's a beautiful day!” Velvet smiled. 

“Yeah, I guess it’s okay,” Vox shrugged.

“A day for a glorious wedding!” Velvet exclaimed. 

“A rehearsal my dear, to be perfectly clear,” Vox said. 

“A rehearsal for a hell of a wedding!” smiled Velvet. 

“As long as nothing happens that we don't really know,” Vox said. 

“That nothing fucking weird interferes with the show,” Velvet nodded. 

“And that's why every thing  
Every last little thing  
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go!” the two sang.

“According to plan!” Velvet exclaimed. 

“Our son will be married,” Vox said. 

“According to plan!” Velvet repeated. 

“Our family carried,” Vox smiled. 

“Elevated to the heights of society!” sang the couple. 

“To the costume balls,” Velvet said. 

“In the hallowed halls,” Vox added.

“Rubbing elbows with the finest,” Velvet continued. 

“Having crumpets with Her Highness!” Vox exclaimed. 

“We'll be there, we'll be seen  
Having shots with the queen  
We'll forget everything  
That we've ever, ever been!” the pair sang.

“HEY! I don’t want to interrupt your singing, but could we leave now?” Baxter asked, cutting off their song.

“Fine, fine, don’t get your panties in a bunch. Where’s Allie?” Velvet asked.

“Damn that boy. He’s going to make us late,” Vox groaned. 

Meanwhile, Lucifer and Lilith Magne were watching them from their window. “Ugh...restaurateurs,” Lilith groaned. Shortly after, she and her husband began singing as well.

“It's a terrible day,” she sang.

“Now don't be that way,” Lucifer returned.

“It's a terrible day for a wedding,” Lilith continued.

“It's a sad, sad state of affairs we're in,” Lucifer said. 

“That has led to this ominous wedding!” Lilith finished. 

“How the hell did our family come to this?” Lucifer asked. 

“To marry off our daughter to the nouveau riche,” the two sang. 

“They're so common,” Lilith said.

“So coarse!” Lucifer added. 

“Oh it couldn't be worse!” Lilith exclaimed. 

“Couldn't be worse? Well, I have to disagree  
They could be land-rich, bankrupt aristocracy  
Without a penny to their name  
Just like you and me,” Lucifer stated. 

“Damnit,” Lilith sighed.

“And that's why everything  
Every last little thing  
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go,” Lucifer and Lilith sang. 

“According to plan!” exclaimed Lilith. 

“Our daughter will wed,” Lucifer said. 

“According to plan,” Lilith repeated. 

“Our family led!” Lucifer exclaimed.

“From the depths of deepest poverty,” the two sang. 

“To the noble realm,” Lilith said. 

“Of our ancestry,” Lucifer added. 

“And who'd have guessed in a million years  
That our daughter with the taste,” the pair continued. 

“Of an occasional disgrace,” Lucifer muttered. 

“Would provide our ticket to a rightful place!” Lucifer and Lilith sang.

As her parents were singing, Charlie was in her room. She was a sweet, positive blonde girl. Her handmaid, Millie, was working on Charlie’s makeup. Charlie normally didn’t get nervous about things, but her parents had been building up this marriage for months. 

“Hey, Millie? What if...what if Alastor and I don’t like each other?” Charlie asked.

Before Millie could answer, Charlie’s parents walked past the door. “Oh goodness, as if that has anything to do with marriage. Do you think that your father and I like each other?” Lilith asked.

“You do, don’t you? At least a little?” Charlie asked.

“Well….we do,” Lucifer said.

“But some of us can’t be that lucky. Millie, finish Charlie’s makeup already,” Lilith said, before she and Lucifer walked off.

Meanwhile, Alastor and his parents were riding in their coach. “You better not fuck this up for us, Alastor,” Vox stated.

“Seriously! This is our chance to get into high society!” Velvet exclaimed.

“Well excuse me for not leaping with joy. I haven’t even met this woman, and now you’re forcing me to start an entire future with her?” Alastor asked, before crossing his arms. “Besides, I would have thought Charlotte Magne would marry off to some lord,” he added.

“Oh please. We are just as good as the Magnes. No….we’re better than the Magnes!” Velvet smiled.

“Again, I would just like to remind the two of you that I haven’t even spoken to her,” said Alastor.

“And maybe that’s a good thing, Allie,” Velvet said, as Baxter began coughing outside. “Baxter! Shut the hell up! I can’t hear myself think!” she shouted.

Lucifer and Lilith were standing at the top of the stairs, getting ready to greet their guests, while their butler, Moxxie, did some last minute cleaning. 

“Marriage is a partnership. A little tit-for-tat  
You'd think a lifetime watching us  
Might have taught her that  
Might have taught her that!” Lilith sang.

“Everything must be perfect  
Everything must be perfect  
Everything must be perfect  
Everything must be perfect, perfect!” Lucifer and Lilith sang.

“That's why everything  
Every last little thing  
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must go  
According to plan!” sang the Landrys and Magnes.

Moxxie opened the door, and Velvet was straightening out Alastor’s suit. “Oh hi!” she smiled, before stepping inside.

Alastor and Vox followed her, and Velvet stood there, gawking at the ornate decor. “I love your decor!” she smiled.

“It seems tacky to me,” Vox muttered.

“Shut up!” Velvet hissed.

“Alright, Lord and Lady Magne, may I present, Mr. and Mrs. Landry,” Moxxie announced. “This is going to be a fucking didaster,” he muttered.

Vox looked at Lilith and smiled. “You must be Miss Charlie. I must say, you look good for your age,” he said, causing Velvet to smack his shoulder.

Lucifer fought the urge to roll his eyes, and gave the Landrys a strained smile. “Well, hello! What a pleasure. Welcome to our home,” he said.

“Thanks for having us!” Velvet replied.

“Come along, we’ll be having tea in the west drawing room,” Lilith said.

The couples walked off, leaving Alastor alone in the main room. He sighed, still extremely unhappy about being forced to get married. Just then, Alastor noticed the piano in the corner of the room. He walked over to it, and began playing.

Upstairs, Charlie was still in her room. She heard the piano, and curiously went downstairs to see who was playing. When Charlie saw the brunette sitting at the piano, she assumed it was Alastor. She smiled, and tapped him on the shoulder.

Alastor abruptly stopped playing and turned to her, startled by the touch. “Oh! Hello there. You must be Miss Magne,” he said, a nervous smile on his face.

“You’re really good at playing,” Charlie smiled.

“Why thank y-,” Alastor began, before realizing he had been playing her family piano without permission. “Do forgive me for playing your piano, but I just couldn’t resist. It’s quite the remarkable instrument,” he said.

“It isn’t my piano. Mom won’t let me anywhere near it. She said music was improper for a young lady. But I still love listening to it. It’s so passionate,” Charlie said. 

“It most certainly is,” smiled Alastor. “Pardon me for asking, Miss Magne, but shouldn’t you have a chaperone?” he asked. 

“You don’t have to be so formal, Alastor. You can call me Charlie,” she replied.

“Charlie…” Alastor repeated. “It’s a wonderful name,” he smiled.

Charlie smiled back and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thank you,” she said.

“So….Charlie. Tomorrow, we’ll be…” Alastor started, unable to force out the word.

“Married,” Charlie finished.

“Exactly! Married,” Alastor nodded.

“You know, I used to think about my wedding day all the time. I always hoped that it would be with someone really special. Someone I’d want to spend the rest of my life with,” Charlie sighed, before pausing. “You probably think it’s stupid, don’t you?” she asked.

“No. Not at all really. I’d never given much thought into marriage before, but-,” Alastor began, before he knocked over a flower vase. “Oh goodness! I’m terribly sorry. I’m typically not this clumsy,” he said.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Charlie replied. She picked up the flower that fell out of the vase, and handed it to Alastor.

The two smiled at one another, then Lilith walked in. “What the hell are you two doing?! You can’t be ALONE together! Now, come on! We must go to the rehearsal. Pastor Pentious is waiting!” Lilith shouted.

Alastor and Charlie each headed to their coaches. As Alastor’s parents bickered, he sat there smiling to himself. If he was going to be hopelessly stuck with someone for the rest of his life, Charlie didn’t seem like a terrible choice. Charlie sat in hers with a small smile on for almost the same reason. Maybe this wedding wouldn’t be as bad as she thought.


	2. With This Ring

Three hours later, the Landrys and the Magnes were still at the wedding rehearsal. Pastor Pentious was beginning to get annoyed by how completely unprepared Alastor was. 

“Alright, Mr. Landry, let’s do it again. With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine. Got it?” Pentious asked.

“Yes, yes, don’t patronize me,” Alastor replied, before clearing his throat. “With this candle-,” he began.

Alastor attempted to light his candle on the one already burning, but nothing happened. He tried again, but it still wouldn’t light.

“HURRY IT UP, ALLIE!” Velvet screamed.

“I’m getting to it, Mother!” Alastor snapped, just as his candle finally lit. “With this candle-,” he began. The moment Alastor started speaking, the flame went out.

“Just continue,” Pentious said, as they all heard a knock at the door. 

“Moxxie, get the door,” Lucifer stated.

Moxxie nodded and hurried off. “Now, shall we pick it up from the candle line? Again?” Pentious sighed.

Moxxie walked back in and hurried to Lucifer and Lilith. “Sir? It’s someone named...Lord Valentino,” he said, as the man with dark glasses stepped inside.

“I’m not the best with dates. Turns out I was a day early for the wedding,” he said. 

“Do you know him, dear?” Lilith asked.

“....probably,” Lucifer answered. “Moxxie! Get a seat for Lord Valentino,” he added.

Moxxie ran over and put a chair beside Lucifer, which Valentino sat in. “Go on with the rehearsal, don’t mind me,” Valentino smiled.

“Okay, Mr. Landry, are you ready to try again?” Pentious asked.

“Yes! Yes, I’m ready,” Alastor returned. 

Charlie noticed Alastor’s candle was still out, and she subtly lit it with her own. “Now, with this….cup?” Alastor asked.

“Hand,” Pentious groaned.

“Indeed!” Alastor smiled, as he took Charlie’s hand. “With this hand…” he began, as the two of them stepped up to the altar. Unfortunately, Alastor accidentally ran into it.

“For fuck’s sake! It’s three steps! Do you not want to get married?!” Pentious shouted.

“No! No,” Alastor stammered.

“Wait, you don’t want to get married?” Charlie asked.

“No! I meant no as in I do not not want to be married. It’s a double negative, my dear,” Alastor said. At that, Pentious hit Alastor on the head with his staff. “Ow!” shouted Alastor.

“Pay attention! Did you even bring the ring?” Pentious asked.

“The ring! Why certainly,” Alastor smiled, as he took the ring out of his coat pocket. The ring slipped out of the brunette’s hand and fell to the floor. 

“You dropped the ring?! Clearly, this bastard doesn’t WANT to get married!” Pentious yelled. 

The ring rolled across the ground, and landed underneath Lilith’s dress. Alastor didn’t want to get it from there, but he was quickly learning that one had to make sacrifices to get married. And that included sacrificing one’s dignity.

“Pardon me for a moment, madame,” Alastor said, before getting on the ground and quickly reaching under her dress. Lilith went wide eyed, and Alastor grabbed the ring, dropping his candle in the process. “I’ve got it!” he smiled, as he triumphantly held up the ring.

After a pause, Alastor thought he smelled something. “Do any of you smell something burning?” he asked. 

He turned just in time to see the bottom of Lilith’s dress was on fire due to the candle he dropped. “Out of the way, asshole!” Lucifer shouted, as he pushed Alastor away.

Lucifer started trying to stomp out the fire, but it was no use. Velvet rushed over and tried to use her fan to put it out. “Damnit, this was such a nice dress you had too,” she said.

“Stop fanning it, you idiot!” Lilith exclaimed.

Charlie and Alastor watched in confusion and shock, while Vox sat back and soaked up the chaos. It all ended when Valentino poured a glass of wine onto the flames, putting them out.

“Everyone! This wedding can’t happen until Alastor Landry is prepared!” Pentious yelled, before he gazed at Alastor. “Young man, learn your vows,” he stated. 

Alastor looked at the disapproving stares he was given from both his and Charlie’s parents, then he headed outside. “Alastor, wait!” Charlie called, however he was already gone.

“He’s quite the catch, isn’t he?” Valentino asked, with obvious sarcasm. 

Charlie didn’t respond. She simply stared at the door in disbelief. 

That evening, Alastor was sitting on the bridge outside of town, looking at the flower Charlie had given him. “Oh Charlie…” he sighed. “I’ve made an utter fool of myself,” he muttered.

A few days ago, Alastor wouldn’t have cared about ruining his rehearsal. He was so against the wedding, he had been avoiding practicing his vows entirely. But now that he met Charlie, Alastor actually wanted to get this right.

Alastor sighed and started walking into the woods. “It shouldn’t be this complicated. It’s only a few simple vows. With this hand, I will take your wine. Wait...no, that isn’t it,” he muttered.

“With this cup, I will light your….goodness, that doesn’t even make sense!” Alastor shouted, as he walked deeper into the woods.

“With this candle, I will….I’ll set your mother on fire,” he sighed. “It’s hopeless,” Alastor said.

He looked at the flower he got from Charlie, and placed it back in his coat pocket. Alastor took a deep breath, and began to say his vows. “With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine,” he recited. 

Alastor was beginning to get his confidence back, and he walked over to a pair of trees. “Ah! Mrs. Magne, you look lovely this evening. What's that, Mr. Magne? Call you ‘Dad’? Well, I suppose if that’s what you want,” he smiled.

“With this candle, I will light your way in darkness!” Alastor exclaimed, before he noticed a strange branch sticking up out of the ground. “With this ring, I ask you to be mine,” said Alastor, as he slipped the ring onto the branch.

Everything was still for a moment, then the wind began to blow. Alastor spotted a large group of crows nearby. The next thing that happened caused Alastor to scream. The branch turned out to be an arm, and it grabbed Alastor by the wrist.

Alastor jerked himself back, but the arm was still attached to him. Alastor threw it to the side, and noticed as the ground began to shake. Alastor’s jaw dropped as a figure rose from the ground.

It was a tall, white, humanoid spider in a wedding dress. He pulled the veil out of his face and looked at Alastor with wide eyes. “I do,” he whispered.

Alastor immediately started running. The spider walked after him, and picked his fourth arm up. Alastor ran through the graveyard, but the spider continued to follow him. 

Finally, Alastor made it to the bridge. He looked around for the spider, but he was nowhere in sight. Alastor sighed with relief, thinking he was finally safe. He turned to head back into town, but found himself face to face with the spider. 

Crows flew overhead, and the spider placed his upper hands on Alastor’s shoulders. “You may kiss the groom,” he whispered, before pulling Alastor into a kiss.

At that moment, Alastor fainted. “Ah, shit. That ain’t what I was expectin’,” the spider muttered. He looked at Alastor again and smiled. “Ya gonna be fine. Now, let’s go home,” he said, as he and Alastor disappeared into the night.


	3. Remains of the Day

When Alastor opened his eyes, he was surrounded by the spider and other strange, humanoid creatures. “He’s up! Are ya okay, sweetheart?” the spider asked.

“What….on….earth?” Alastor muttered, as he looked at his new surroundings.

“Holy shit! You picked up a breather!” shouted a cyclops with pink hair, named Cherri. 

“Fuck, now we’re gonna have to deal with that,” grumbled a woman with a pink bow, named Vaggie.

“He’s still soft!” exclaimed a red headed cyclops named Nifty. 

“A toast to the newlyweds. Good work, Angel,,” said a short, dark spider, Arackniss, as he raised a glass.

“Newlyweds?” Alastor gasped. 

“In the woods, ya said ya vows so beautifully,” smiled Angel, who held up a hand with the wedding ring on it.

“Oh my word…I did,” Alastor said.

“There’s the happy couple!” cheered a short, blonde woman. “Hi there! My name is Mimzy, I’m the head waitress. I’ll be the one preparing your wedding feast,” she explained.

“Oh great! I’m fucking starved,” said a red maggot, who popped out of one of Angel’s eye sockets.

“Fuck off, Blitzo!” Angel shouted, as he put his eye back in, blocking the maggot from coming out again. “Maggots, am I right?” Angel asked, chuckling nervously. 

Alastor backed away, and grabbed the sword that had been in Arackniss’s back. Unfortunately, the small spider was still on it. “Stay away! I have a….a dwarf! And I’m not afraid to use it! I demand questions!” Alastor shouted.

“Answers, asshole. You mean answers,” Arackniss returned.

“Ah, thank you. Yes! I need answers. Where am I? Who are you...people? What is going on?” asked Alastor.

“Well...it’s sorta a long story,” Angel replied.

“And what a story it is,” said a voice. 

Alastor turned and saw a jester, Fizzaroli, standing in the corner. “A tragic tale of romance, passion, and a murder most fowl,” he continued.

“He better not sing the damn song again,” Arackniss muttered.

“Too late!” Fizzaroli smiled, as the music started.

“Hey! Give me a listen you corpses of cheer  
At least those of you who still got an ear  
I'll tell you a story that's nothing but gloom  
Of our own jubiliciously sexy corpse groom!” he began, as demons started singing backup.

“Die, die, we all pass away  
But don't wear a frown 'cause it's really okay  
You might try and hide  
And you might try and pray  
But we all end up the remains of the day  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
Yeah, yeah, yeah!” the demons sang.

Fizzaroli pulled Angel over, and he started to dance with him.

“Well, our boy was a beauty known for miles around  
When a mysterious stranger came into town  
He's plenty good-looking, but down on his cash  
And our poor, little Angel, he fell hard and fast  
When his daddy said no, he just couldn't cope  
So our lovers came up with a plan to elope,” Fizzaroli continued.

“Die, die, we all pass away  
But don't wear a frown 'cause it's really okay  
You might try and hide  
And you might try and pray  
But we all end up the remains of the day  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
Yeah, yeah, yeah!” the demons sang. 

“This is my dance break!” Fizzaroli exclaimed.

He and the other demons started to dance. As they did, Alastor tried looking for a way to escape, only whenever he tried to leave, a demon would pull him over to dance. When things calmed down, Fizzaroli and Angel were back to standing before the others.

“So they conjured up a plan to meet late at night  
They told not a soul, kept the whole thing tight  
Now, his mother's wedding dress fit like a glove  
You don't need much when you're really in love  
Except for a few things, or so I'm told  
Like the family jewels and a satchel of gold  
Then next to the graveyard right under the moon  
On a dark foggy night at a quarter to two  
Angie’s ready to go, but where’s his groom?” sang Fizzaroli. 

“And then?” the crowd asked.

“He waited,” Fizzaroli answered. 

“And then?” the crowd asked.

“There in the shadows, was it his man?” Fizzaroli grinned.

“And then?” asked the crowd.

“His little heart beat so loud!” Fizzaroli exclaimed.

“And then?” the crowd repeated. 

“And then, baby, everything went black,” Fizzaroli stated.

“Now when he opened his eyes, he was dead as dust  
His jewels were missing and his heart was bust  
So he made a vow lying under that tree  
That he'd wait for his true love to come set him free  
Always waiting for someone to ask for his hand  
When out of the blue comes this groovy young man  
Who vows forever to see their love bloom  
And that's the story of our own corpse groom!” Fizzaroli finished.

Angel and Alastor danced with one another, but all Alastor really wanted to do was escape.

“Die, die, we all pass away  
But don't wear a frown 'cause it's really okay  
You might try and hide  
And you might try and pray  
But we all end up the remains of the day!” the demons sang. 

Alastor broke away from Angel, and ran up a set of stairs, out of the room. 

—————-

Charlie was gazing out of the window, wondering where Alastor was. “Charlie! Get away from the window!” called Lilith.

Lilith, Lucifer, Vox, and Velvet were all having tea. “I’m sure Allie will be back soon. It’s not like he has anywhere else to be,” Velvet said.

At that, the group heard a knock at the door. “Come in!” Lucifer shouted.

The door opened, and Valentino stepped inside. “Hello, everyone. I’m afraid I have terrible news,” he said.

“What is it? Is it Alastor? Is he okay?” Charlie asked.

“You’ll see,” Valentino grinned, before snapping his fingers. Tom Trench stepped into the room. “Why don’t you tell them tonight’s headline?” he asked.

“Attention, everyone! Alastor Landry was seen on the bridge in the arms of a mystery man! They kissed, then Mr. Landry and the mysterious gentleman slipped away into the night! That’s it,” Tom said.

“Good. Now, get the hell out,” Valentino stated, as Tom nodded and walked off.

“Mystery man? I didn’t even know he swung that way!” Velvet exclaimed.

“It is such a tragedy that Alastor left a fine young woman such as Charlie for some slut. I’m really sorry about this. Call me if you need help,” Valentino said, before he looked over at Charlie. “With anything,” he smirked, before walking away.

“Oh Luci, what do we do?” Lilith asked.

“Get my musket!” Lucifer exclaimed. 

“Hey! The town crier was probably just having a slow news day. Alastor hates people and people hate him. Tom’s eyes were probably off,” Vox said.

“Either way, we’re one groom short of a wedding,” Lucifer returned.

“What a fucking embarrasment,” Lilith sighed.

“I...I just….I thought he liked me,” Charlie stammered. 

Lilith sighed and looked over at Charlie. “I tried to warn you, dear,” she said.

“It’s gotta be a mistake. Voxxy and I will find Alastor. Give us until dawn!” Velvet exclaimed.

“Fine. Until dawn,” Lilith stated.

Charlie still stood there, in complete disbelief. Just when she started to like someone, he vanished into thin air. She prayed it was a mistake. It had to be.


	4. Cold Feet

Alastor was frantically trying to avoid his new ‘husband’ at all costs. Angel on the other hand was completely oblivious. “Al, sweetie? Where are ya?” he called.

“Your little fuckboy is kinda jumpy,” Blitzo said.

“He ain’t my fuckboy, he’s my husband. Get ya damn mind outta the gutter,” Angel returned. “Alastor! Where’d ya go?” he yelled, as Blitzo popped out of his eye socket.

“Hey! I can keep an eye out for him. Huh? Get it?” he grinned.

“Sometimes ya so unfunny it hurts,” Angel sighed. “Alastor!” he repeated.

Meanwhile, Alastor had been hiding behind a statue, and decided to make his escape. “Oh shit! There he goes!” Blitzo exclaimed.

Angel put his eye back in and saw Alastor running away. “Al!” he smiled, as he kept walking after him. 

Alastor quickly hid in an empty coffin, and Angel passed him by. “Thank goodness,” Alastor smiled. Then he spotted a spider. Only this one wasn’t a humanoid like Angel or Arackniss; it was an actual, blue spider named Stolas. 

“Married, hm? I’m a widower. Of course there is a little maggot I’m interested in….” Stolas began.

“I don’t have time for this,” Alastor said, before he ran out of the coffin and down the street.

“Well….fuck you too!” Stolas yelled. “Angel, he went that way!” he added.

“Thanks!” Angel replied, as he headed down the path. “Alastor!” he called.

Alastor kept running, until he reached a wall with ridges in it. “It seems like I don’t have a choice,” he muttered. 

Alastor climbed up the side of the wall and let out a sigh of relief when he reached the top. Then he spotted Angel. “Coulda used the stairs, silly,” Angel smiled, before he helped Alastor the rest of the way up. 

“Isn’t the view gorgeous? Takes my breath away. I mean...it would if I had any,” Angel chuckled. “It’s so romantic,” he smiled, as he sat down on a bench.

Alastor sighed and sat beside Angel. “I’m terribly sorry that you got murdered. And I wish I could do something to help, but unfortunately, I have to go home,” he said.

“This is ya home now,” Angel replied.

“Look, I’m sorry….what was your name, again? Angel, yes?” Alastor asked.

“HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW YOUR FUCKING NAME??” Blitzo shouted.

“Shut up!” Angel hissed, before he smiled at Alastor. “Yep. It’s Angel,” he said. 

“Angel,” Alastor repeated.

“Oh yeah! I got ya something,” Angel smiled, as he handed Alastor a box. “It’s a wedding present,” he added.

Alastor shook the box around and heard rattling from inside. Alastor opened the box and saw nothing but bones. The bones spilled out of the box, and took the form of a skeletal pig. The pig trotted over to Alastor, holding a collar in his mouth.

Alastor took the collar and his eyes widened. “Fat Nuggets?” he gasped. The pig oinked in response. “Fat Nuggets! My old pig Fat Nuggets!” Alastor exclaimed, before he pulled the little animal into a hug. 

“I knew ya would be happy to see him. He’s so cute!” Angel smiled.

“You should have seen him with skin,” Alastor replied. “Father never approved of me keeping a pig as a pet. Father never approved of anything really,” he sighed.

“Do ya think he’d approve of me?” whispered Angel.

“Well, you’d have to meet him,” Alastor answered. The brunette got an idea, and he began to smile. “Actually, now that you mention it, you should meet him! We are married, after all. You should meet my father and mother,” he said.

“Oooh! Great idea! Where are they buried?” Angel asked. 

“Nowhere. They’re still alive,” Alastor replied. 

“Still alive, huh?” Angel asked. He paused for a moment to think, then he smiled. “I think I know a guy,” he said. 

Moments later, Alastor, Angel, and Fat Nuggets were walking through a dark library. “Elder Husker? Ya here? Hello! Are ya passed out drunk again?” Angel asked. 

Alastor accidentally knocked over a stack of books, and a cat with wings stepped out. “Hey! Careful with the books, jackass!” he shouted.

“Husk! Good to see ya,” Angel smiled. “This is my husband, Alastor. Alastor, this is Elder Husker,” he said.

“You’re finally married? Damn, that took forever. This kid must be fucking desperate,” Husk muttered.

“It’s lovely to meet you too, sir,” Alastor returned.

“Husk, Al and I wanna go upstairs. Can ya help us?” Angel asked.

“You wanna go to the Land of the Living? Wasn’t being up there once enough?” asked Husk.

“Please, sir? It would mean so much to m-,” Alastor began, before catching his mistake. “Us,” he corrected.

“Please, Husk? There’s gotta be something ya can do!” Angel exclaimed.

“Fine, lemme see,” Husk replied. He grabbed a book and began flipping through pages. “Found it! A Ukranian haunting spell. It should be fine,” he said.

As Husk began working on a mixture, Angel smiled at Alastor. “I’m so glad ya thought of this,” he said.

“Indeed….me too,” Alastor nodded.

Husk finished with the mixture and threw it back in one shot. “Okay, now I’m ready. What are we doing?” he asked.

“Ukranian haunting spell,” Angel answered. 

“Oh yeah,” Husk nodded.

He squeezed the egg out of a raven then looked at the couple. “Okay, this is it. Just one thing. When you wanna come back, say ‘hopscotch’,” Husk said.

“Hopscotch?” Angel asked.

“Yep,” Husk replied. “Have a good trip,” he said. 

Husk cracked the egg over Alastor and Angel’s heads. Alastor flinched, expecting a yolk, only the egg was filled with glowing dust. When Alastor and Angel opened their eyes again, they saw that they were in the Land of the Living. Alastor’s plan was already falling into place.


	5. Hopscotch

Angel and Alastor were in the woods, in the spot Alastor had first found Angel. Angel gazed into the sky with an awestruck expression. “I spent so long underground, I forgot how pretty the moonlight is,” he said quietly. 

Angel began to dance in the moonlight, his veil flowing in the wind behind him. Seeing how happy Angel looked almost made Alastor feel bad about lying to him, only now there was no turning back. “Angel? Dear?” Alastor asked.

“Yeah?” Angel asked, as he turned to the brunette.

“I think I should go on ahead and tell my parents the big news, then I’ll bring them back here. Alright?” Alastor asked.

“Okay!” Angel smiled.

“Perfect. Now, just wait here. I won’t be long,” Alastor replied.

“Gotcha,” Angel nodded.

“I’ll be back shortly!” exclaimed Alastor, before he walked off.

As soon as Alastor made it into town, he went straight to the Magne mansion. However, before he could knock, he heard voices inside.

“If I ever see that Landry boy again, I’ll strangle him with my bare hands!” Lucifer shouted.

“Luci darling, his neck is far too thin. You’d need a rope,” Lilith replied.

Alastor decided not to run the risk of seeing Charlie’s parents, so he headed near the side of the house to find the girl’s bedroom window.

Meanwhile, Angel was sitting on a tombstone, still waiting for Alastor. “Listen up, dipshit. This is your conscience. I’m only saying this out of love, but I don’t trust that Alastor bastard,” Blitzo said.

Angel sighed, then he took off his eye, threw Blitzo out, and put it back in. “Go bug somebody else. Al went to see his parents. Just like he told me,” Angel said.

“If I wasn’t just sitting up there, I’d think you lost your fucking mind,” Blitzo said.

“Al probably has a good reason for taking so long,” Angel replied, as doubt began to slip into his voice.

“Then why don’t you ask him?” Blitzo asked.

“Fine, I will,” Angel returned.

“Fine! Take me along, I wanna watch this shitshow,” Blitzo grinned.

Angel rolled his eyes, picked up the maggot, and followed the footprints Alastor left.

Back at the mansion, Alastor climbed up a pillar that led to Charlie’s balcony, and he knocked on her glass door. Charlie was surprised at the knock, but smiled with relief when she saw Alastor standing on the other side. “Alastor!” she exclaimed, before letting him in.

“Charlie…” Alastor began.

“I’m so happy you’re back!” Charlie smiled, as she gave Alastor a hug. “Oh my gosh...you’re cold as death,” she said, before letting go. “Alastor, are you okay? Did something happen?” Charlie asked.

“Charlie, it’s very hard to explain,” said Alastor.

“I promise I’ll listen,” Charlie replied.

“Charlie, this morning, I despised the idea of getting married. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. But then I met you, and it all seemed bearable. You are a wonderful person, and one that I could happily spend my life with,” Alastor explained. 

Charlie began to blush, and she gave Alastor a small smile. “Alastor, I feel the same way. I was nervous about getting married, but after I met you, I started to think our wedding couldn’t come soon enough,” she said, before pausing. “I know it seems crazy and sudden, but I just know it’s right. I just feel like you’re perfect for me,” she added, blushing again.

“Charlotte, there is no one I’d rather be with than you,” Alastor replied, with a gentle, caring smile. 

The two of them began to lean towards one another and were about to kiss. It was at that moment Alastor saw Angel crawling up to the balcony. “Charlie! While I do love and care for you deeply, I seem to find myself...erm….married,” he stammered.

Angel threw open the door and stepped into the room. “Al, sweetheart! I just wanted to me-,” he began, before his eyes landed on Charlie.

Angel and Charlie stared at one another for a moment, until Angel finally spoke. “Sweetheart, who the hell is this?” he asked.

“Who is he?” Charlie asked.

“I’m his husband,” Angel returned, as he held out his finger with the ring on it.

“Alastor, is that true?” Charlie asked, in complete disbelief.

“No! No! Charlie, don’t be ridiculous! He’s covered in fur and has four arms. He’s dead!” Alastor exclaimed.

Angel narrowed his eyes at Alastor. “Hopscotch,” he stated. 

There was a crash of thunder, and Angel grabbed Alastor and dragged him away. 

The two of them were back in Husk’s library, and Angel had angrily crossed his arms. “Ya damn, dirty liar! Ya lied to me so ya could get back to ya side chick!” he shouted.

“Angel, don’t you understand? You’re the other man,” Alastor explained. 

“No! Ya married to me! She’s the side chick!” Angel insisted, with tears in his eyes.

“He has a point,” Husk said.

“I thought things were going great!” Angel sobbed.

“I’m truly sorry, but this can’t work between us,” Alastor said.

“Why not?” Angel asked. “It’s my eyes, ain’t it?” he continued.

“No! Your eyes are lovely,” Alastor replied. He really was being honest; he thought Angel’s eyes were gorgeous and unique. “Perhaps under other circumstances, things may have worked. However, we’re simply too different. You’re dead,” he explained.

“Ya shoulda thought of that before ya asked me to marry ya,” said Angel.

“For the last time, it was a mistake! I wouldn’t marry you!” Alastor exclaimed.

Angel gasped and just stared at Alastor, completely broken. After seeing the spider’s expression, Alastor instantly regretted his words. “Angel, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said.

“Sure ya didn’t,” Angel returned.

Without another word, Angel stepped out of the library. Unsure of what to do, Alastor helplessly watched him leave.


	6. Tears to Shed

Angel walked through an alleyway and threw off his veil. He sat down against a wall and looked at a bouquet. “Roses...for eternal love. Lilies...for sweetness. Bullshit,” he muttered.

Stolas noticed how upset Angel was and hurried over. “What’s wrong, dear?” he asked.

“Maybe Al is right. Maybe we are too different,” Angel sighed.

“Maybe he’s just fucking stupid,” Blitzo said.

“Maybe Al does belong with that broad. Little Miss Living. With her rosy cheeks and beating heart,” said Angel.

“Oh Angel, those girls are a dime a dozen! You’ve got….erm….a wonderful personality,” Stolas smiled.

“Wait….I know what to do,” Blitzo said, as music began. 

“What does that ugly little bitch have that you don't have double?” he sang. 

“She can't hold a candle to the beauty of your smile,” Stolas added. 

“What about a pulse?” Angel asked. 

“Overrated by a mile!” Blitzo replied. 

“Overbearing,” Stolas added.

“Overblown!” Blitzo exclaimed. 

“If he only knew the you that we know,” the two of them sang, but they weren’t cheering Angel up like they hoped. 

“And that odd little human isn't wearing his ring,” Stolas sang. 

“And she doesn't play piano or dance or sing,” Blitzo smiled. 

“No she doesn't compare!” the two sang.

“But she still breathes air,” Angel grumbled. 

“Who cares?” Stolas asked.

“Not important,” Blitzo stated. 

“Overrated,” Stolas added.

“Overblown!” Blitzo exclaimed.

“If only he could see  
How special you can be  
If he only knew the you that we know!” Blitzo and Stolas sang. 

Angel was still upset, and he let out a pensive sigh. 

“If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain  
If ya cut me with a knife it's still the same  
And I know her heart is beating  
And I know that I am dead  
Yet the pain here that I feel  
Try and tell me it's not real  
For it seems that I still have a tear to shed,” he sang. 

“The one redeeming feature  
From that nasty creature  
Is that she's alive,” Blitzo sang, trying to make Angel feel better again. 

“Overrated!” Stolas said. 

“Overblown!” Blitzo agreed.

“Everybody know that's just a temporary state  
Which is cured very quickly when we meet our fate,” sang Stolas. 

“Who cares?” Blitzo asked.

“Unimportant!” Stolas exclaimed. 

“Overrated,” Blitzo added.

“Overblown,” Stolas continued. 

“If only he could see  
How special you can be  
If he only knew the you that we know!” the two of them finished, before Angel sighed and swatted them away.

“If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain  
In the ice or in the sun it's all the same  
But I feel my heart is aching  
Though it doesn't beat it's breaking  
And the pain here that I feel  
Try and tell me it's not real  
I know that I am dead  
But it seems that I still have some tears to shed,” Angel sang, as tears began falling down his face. 

On Earth, Charlie was trying to explain the situation to her parents. “Mom! It’s true! Alastor is married to a dead guy! I saw him! A four armed corpse standing here with Alastor,” she explained.

“Alastor was in your room?!” Lilith exclaimed.

“Mom, we need to help him!” Charlie insisted.

“The scandal!” Lilith gasped.

“Charlie honey, you’re shaking. I’ll get you a blanket,” Millie said.

“Get her a straight jacket! She’s fucking crazy!” Lilith shouted. 

Lilith grabbed Millie by the wrist and the two of them left Charlie’s room. The last thing Charlie heard was her mother locking the door. “Oh my gosh…” she muttered.

Charlie was absolutely devastated. She met and lost her true love all in the same day. Charlie took a deep breath and gathered her courage. If no one else would help Alastor, she would. 

Charlie lowered some blankets off the edge of the balcony and used them as a rope to climb down. Once she landed, Charlie used her blankets as a hood to protect her from the rain. 

Charlie headed straight for the church and pounded on the door. Pentious swung open the door and looked at Charlie in confusion. “Miss Magne? What do you want?” he asked.

“I need to ask you something!” Charlie exclaimed.

“No,” Pentious stated, as he began to close the door.

Charlie came inside anyway, getting increasingly more frantic. “Please! You’re the only one in town who knows about life after death,” she said.

“Why do you care?” Pentious asked.

“Because I fear a groom,” Charlie replied.

“Alastor?” Pentious asked.

“No, another one. That’s why I need to know. Can the living marry the dead?” Charlie asked.

“What the hell are you on about?” asked Pentious, as he raised an eyebrow.

“It’s Alastor! He’s married to a corpse! He has a corpse groom! We need to fix this!” Charlie exclaimed. 

“Alright, alright, I know what to do. Come with me,” Pentious said.

Moments later, Pentious dragged Charlie back to her house. Lilith opened the door and gasped. “Charlie? What on earth is going on?” she asked.

“She’s talking about all this...unholy nonsense! I believe your daughter is going crazy,” Pentious stated.

“I am not!” Charlie shouted, as Lilith pulled her inside. 

“Thank you, Pastor Pentious. Thank you ever so much,” Lilith said, before she shut the door.

As soon as the door was closed, Lilith turned to her daughter. “Moxxie! Millie! Take her to her room. Be sure she doesn’t get out again,” she stated.

“Wait! Wait no! Alastor needs our help! Please! I love him! Mom, Dad please!” Charlie pleaded, as Millie and Moxxie led her up the stairs.

“My poor, insane daughter,” Lilith sighed. “Dammit! It will be years before we can be seen in public again! What can we do?” she asked.

“We have a wedding anyway. Besides, I already bought the cake. We just need a new groom,” Lucifer said.

Just as he said that, Valentino stepped into the room. “For that….Alastor to leave a lovely, young woman like Charlie….he must be an idiot. If I had a woman like your daughter, I would shower her with gifts fit for a queen,” he said.

“Your partner must be very fortunate to have someone like you,” Lilith said.

“Unfortunately, I’m single. I was engaged not too long ago, but tragedy struck. I lost my young groom forever. Even my…..incredible, huge ass wealth couldn’t heal those scars,” Valentino said.

Lucifer and Lilith smiled at one another, both getting the same idea. 

Later, the two of them opened Charlie’s door. “Good news, Charlie! We’ll have a wedding after all,” Lucifer said.

“You found him?” Charlie smiled.

“No. Be sure you have your things in order. You need to look your best for Lord Valentino tomorrow,” Lilith said.

“Lord Valentino?” Charlie asked, as her heart practically shattered.

“Yes! He will make a wonderful husband. So much better than our other option,” replied Lilith.

“But I don’t love him. Please, please don’t make me!” Charlie exclaimed.

“We have to,” Lucifer shrugged. 

“There has to be another way!” Charlie pleaded.

“If you don’t marry Valentino, we’ll be on the streets,” Lucifer explained.

“But Alastor….” Charlie began. 

“Alastor is gone, Charlotte,” Lilith said.

“You’ll marry Valentino tomorrow,” Lucifer stated.

“According to plan!” both of them shouted, before leaving Charlie’s room.

Meanwhile, Valentino was walking down the hall of Magne family portraits. He grinned and stopped by Charlie’s. In the portrait, she had a solemn expression in comparison to her usual cheerful one. 

“Don’t look so sad, baby doll. After all, we’re only married until death do us part. And that’s going to be coming sooner than you think,” Valentino said, before chuckling wickedly.


	7. New Arrival

Alastor was walking the streets of the Land of the Dead with Fat Nuggets. Alastor noticed the bouquet Angel had lying on the ground. Alastor sighed to himself; he never meant to hurt Angel’s feelings. He decided now was as good a time as any to apologize.

Meanwhile, Angel was sitting in a bar, sadly playing the piano. Alastor walked over to him, bouquet in hand. “Hello. I believe you dropped this,” he said quietly.

Angel didn’t answer. He continued playing the piano and didn’t even look at Alastor. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I lied to you, Angel. This whole day just hasn’t gone according to plan,” Alastor continued.

Alastor sat beside Angel on the piano bench. Angel played a small tune, using only low notes. When he finished, Alastor played a small tune as well, using the higher keys. Angel looked at Alastor for a second, but played another low tune. Alastor, still hoping to get Angel to listen to him, played another high tune.

Angel shot Alastor a look, then played another low melody. Alastor played something different. Something more joyous, but hauntingly beautiful at the same time. Angel listened for a moment, then he joined in.

The two of them played piano together, each sharing a smile with one another. As they played, one of Angel’s hands broke off and crawled over to Alastor’s side of the piano. “Damnit, they do that sometimes,” Angel muttered.

Alastor chuckled and looked over at Angel. “It’s no trouble,” he said.

“Sorry about my...enthusiasm,” Angel said.

“I like your enthusiasm,” Alastor replied, as he reattached Angel’s hand.

Angel and Alastor smiled at one another again, then a bell started to ring. 

“New arrival!” Vaggie shouted, as she walked in.

The other demons followed her, all of them buzzing with excitement. “This is so exciting! Drinks for everyone!” Mimzy exclaimed.

Vaggie walked over to the new arrival, a small, humanoid angler fish. “Hey, I’m Vaggie. Don’t do anything stupid,” she said.

“I’ll try not to,” the fish replied, with noticeable sarcasm. 

While his form was completely different, Alastor could recognize that voice anywhere. “Baxter?” he asked.

“Alastor!” Baxter smiled.

“Baxter! It’s wonderful to see a familiar face,” Alastor said. He paused for a moment, and his face fell. “Oh, right. I am so sorry,” he added.

“It’s fine. Honestly, I feel great. Plus I don’t have to worry about your parents bitching anymore,” Baxter replied.

“Right….so, how is everyone?” Alastor asked.

“Your parents are still looking for you, and Charlie is getting married,” Baxter answered.

“I beg your pardon?! Married to who?” Alastor asked.

“Some lord asshole,” Baxter replied. 

“But...she meant everything to me,” Alastor said quietly.

“Well, life goes on. Relatively speaking. Move on,” Baxter said.

Alastor didn’t say a word, and he sadly walked away. 

“Al! Al? Where ya goin?” Angel called.

Alastor didn’t answer, he just kept walking. This was it. He really lost Charlie for good.

On Earth, Millie was helping Charlie get ready for her wedding. The girl was wearing the nicest wedding gown money could buy, only she was absolutely miserable. 

“Just yesterday, I was so happy for my wedding. Now I feel like I’m stuck in a tide going out to sea,” Charlie sighed.

“The sea leads lots of places, honey. Maybe you’ll land somewhere better,” Millie said, in an attempt to cheer Charlie up.

Unfortunately, Charlie was still distraught. The wedding finally came, and she stood at the altar, completely emotionless. Beside her, Valentino was reciting his vows. “With this candle, I will light your way in darkness,” he said, before taking out the ring.

“With this ring, I ask you to be mine,” grinned Valentino, as he slid the ring on Charlie’s finger.

Charlie couldn’t even react. She was completely broken. She lost the man she loved to a corpse, and was being forced to marry someone she didn’t even know. Her world was burning down around her, and there was nothing she could do about it.

As the ceremony went on, Millie and Moxxie watched from the back. Millie was crying softly, and Moxxie held her hand to comfort her. Millie may not have known much, but she knew one thing. Charlie didn’t deserve this.


	8. A Wedding

Alastor had run off and was now sitting in an alley full of coffins. He looked at the flower Charlie had given him and sighed. “I’m too late,” he whispered, before throwing the flower down. 

As he sat there, he heard Angel and Vaggie talking in the kitchen. 

“I’m worried about him! Poor guy ran off. Are all guys like this?” Angel asked.

“How the hell should I know? Plus….you could have just picked up an asshole,” Vaggie replied.

“Don’t call him that! He’s sweet,” Angel returned.

“Whatever you say,” Vaggie shrugged.

She stepped out of the kitchen just as Husk walked in. “Angel, we need to talk,” Husk said, as he placed a book on the table. 

“Oh! Husk! Let me tell him!” Blitzo said, smiling up at Angel from the table. 

“Tell me what?” Angel asked.

“There’s an issue with your marriage,” Husk replied.

“Whaddya mean?” asked Angel.

“The vow is only effective until ‘death do you part’. But you’re dead. Death parted you already,” Husk explained, causing Angel to gasp.

“Ah shit! If he finds out, he’ll leave or hate me or something! What can we do?” he asked.

“I mean….there’s one thing we can do…” Husk began.

“But you’re not going to like it!” Blitzo added.

“Just tell me!” Angel exclaimed.

“We gotta kill the bastard!” Blitzo smiled.

“What?!” Angel shouted.

Alastor was still listening outside, and he gasped in shock.

“Yeah, Alastor would have to die. He’d have to say his vows in the Land of the Living, then throw back some poison,” Husk said.

“He’d have to give up everything. I could never ask him to do that,” Angel sighed. 

Alastor finally stepped into the room. “You don’t need to ask,” he said, before walking over to Angel and holding his hands. “I’ll do it,” he finished.

“But Alastor…” Angel whispered.

“Kid, if you do this, you can’t go back. Ever. Got it?” Husk asked.

“I do,” Alastor nodded. 

Shortly after, Angel and Alastor were in the center of town so they could make the announcement to everyone. 

“Attention! Attention, ladies and gentlemen! We decided to have a proper wedding party. Now, get what you can! We’re going upstairs!” Alastor smiled.

“Damn, I forgot we had an upstairs!” Cherri exclaimed.

“Sounds neat!” Nifty added.

Soon, everyone in the Land of the Dead was bustling with excitement. 

“Wedding, a wedding, we're going to have a wedding,   
a wedding!   
Wedding, a wedding,   
we're going to have a wedding, a wedding!” they sang.

Angel hurried off to get ready. Alastor smiled to himself, and he spotted Stolas hanging nearby with a few other spiders. “Alastor! You can’t possibly get married like that!” Stolas exclaimed.

The spiders crawled onto Alastor and got to work.

“The spiders think you're very cute  
But goodness knows you need a suit  
But have no fears  
We're quite adept  
We'll have you looking  
Lovely  
Lovely  
Lovely yet  
A little stitch, a little tuck, some tender loving care  
A little thread will fix you up and we've got plenty as you see  
And personally guarantee our quality repairs  
A little here, a fix of this  
We're going to do our best  
When everybody sees you, they will all be quite impressed  
They will all be quite impressed!” the spiders sang.

They finished restitching Alastor’s red suit, and it looked brand new once again.

“A wedding, we're going to have-,” a few citizens began.

Meanwhile, Vaggie and her kitchen staff, Molly and Octavia, were working on the cake.

“A wedding cake is no mistake, it has to be sublime,” Vaggie sang. 

“We're missing something..” Octavia said. 

“Try some dust?” Molly asked.

“We should have had more time,” Vaggie sighed.

“Maybe there's something I can do, these bones might help a bit,” Octavia said, as she dumped a bowl of bones into the mixture. In the process, she knocked off one of Molly’s fingers. 

“My finger!” she exclaimed.

“Sorry,” Octavia shrugged.

“Waig, hang on...that's it!” Vaggie exclaimed. 

“A little that  
A little this  
The perfect cake is hard to miss  
A wedding, a wedding  
We're going to have a wedding!” the three of them sang.

Meanwhile, Alastor had met with Cherri, Arackniss, and the other soldiers, all of whom were thrilled for the wedding.

“Huzzah! Huzzah! We're going to have a wedding  
Hurray! A wedding! Hurray!  
Let's all give out a cheer cause the grooms are getting married today! Hurray!  
One thing you can surely say is we will see it through  
Until the end, we will defend our one and only groom  
Our groom to be  
Our groom to be, our lovely corpse groom  
Huzzah! Hurray! Huzzah! Hurray!  
The groom is getting married today!” they sang. 

At that moment, Angel began slowly walking down a set of stairs. He held a bouquet and looked beautiful as ever. 

“The groom is here  
He's waited for this day for many a year  
For this day, for this day  
He’s pure and he’s true  
The groom is here  
Here comes the groom  
Here comes the groom  
Here comes the groom  
Our groom  
For this day, for this day will last forever  
And all of his friends will work together  
To make it the perfect day he's always dreamed  
He’s pure and he’s true  
Our groom   
Our handsome groom,” everyone sang.

Angel and Alastor smiled at one another. Vaggie and the kitchen staff walked out with a massive cake. 

“We're going to have a party like no one has ever seen  
The Living in the land above will not know where they've been  
The Land above   
The party of   
The groom!  
Here comes the groom  
On his glorious day of days  
Up to the Land of the Living to celebrate!” sang the dead.

They all began heading for the Land of the Living. Alastor was going to miss Charlie, but now...now he knew that marrying Angel was the right thing to do. Alastor knew he would be throwing his life away, but that didn’t matter to him. Alastor truly cared about Angel. If he had to die in order for the two of them to be together, so be it.

Alastor still had a small feeling of doubt, but he pushed it aside. This was no time to be nervous. He was going to have a wedding.


	9. I Will Be Your Wine

Everyone was gathered for Charlie and Valentino’s reception. The atmosphere was formal and cold, and Millie placed a small wedding cake on the table. Charlie was still completely miserable, and Valentino was being as smug as ever.

“Shut up, everyone. I wanna make a speech,” he said, even though no one had said a word all evening. “Elegant, cultured, sexy. Charlie has found a man with all those qualities and more. Fate brought us together, and nothing on earth could tear us apart,” Valentino said.

At those words, the fireplace behind them began to glow an eerie green. The guests watched in horror as Fizzaroli and two skeletons rose up behind Lilith and Lucifer. The couple didn’t notice, but then Fizzaroli’s eye popped out and fell into Lucifer’s soup.

“There’s an eye in my soup,” he mused. 

A guest shrieked, and they all sprung up from the table. Everyone began running in fear, but Charlie watched it all curiously. 

“Moxxie, get my musket!” Lucifer shouted.

“GET YOUR OWN FUCKING MUSKET!” Moxxie returned, before he ran out the door. 

“Excuse me, mister,” Mimzy said, as she passed by someone, immediately causing him to scream.

Valentino went to hide under the table, but he saw Nifty sitting under it. “Hi!” she smiled, making Valentino scream.

Blitzo crawled over to another guest. “Hey, pal! I know you don’t know me, but I used to live in your dead mom!” he exclaimed.

As the guests ran, Fizzaroli looked around. “Get back here! The party is just getting started!” he laughed.

Lucifer and Lilith watched from the stairs. “Luci! Who invited these people? They must be from your side of the family,” Lilith stated.

“Hell no! If my father saw this, he’d be turning in his grave!” yelled Lucifer.

“Lucifer….” said a voice. The two of them turned and saw the corpse of Lucifer’s father. “Where do you keep the champagne?” he asked.

Lucifer and Lilith squealed and ran down the hall.

The dead headed out of the Magne mansion and into the town. 

“In other news, THE DEAD WALK THE EARTH!!” Tom yelled, ringing his bell. 

Everyone in town began to panic. They all ran in terror, trying to flee from the dead. A living boy named Collin walked over to Molly, to everyone’s shock and horror.

Collin looked up at the spider and held out his arms. “Grandma?” he asked.

“Sweetie!” Molly smiled, as she picked him up and hugged him.

Elsewhere, a woman named Loona was beating Octavia with an umbrella. “Darling! Love! Loona!” Octavia shouted.

Loona dropped the umbrella in shock. “Octavia?” she gasped. “You’ve been dead for three years,” she continued.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” Octavia said, before she gave Loona a kiss.

Soon, everyone in town started to bond with their dead loved ones, happy to see them once again. 

Meanwhile, Charlie and Valentino were alone in the mansion. “That’s it! I’ve fucking had it, officially! We need to grab whatever money we can and get out of here!” Valentino shouted.

“What money?” Charlie asked.

“Your dowry. It’s my right!” Valentino exclaimed.

“My family is broke. My marriage to you was supposed to save them from the poor house,” explained Charlie. 

“The what?!” Valentino yelled. He grabbed Charlie by the shoulders. “You’re a fucking liar! Tell me it isn’t true!” he yelled.

“Did things not go according to your plan, Valentino?” Charlie asked, before pushing him away. “I guess we’re matched in disappointment,” she said. 

Charlie stormed off. Valentino watched her leave, his anger growing by the second. When Charlie stepped outside, she was surprised to see the dead and the living happily getting along. She noticed everyone heading to the church, so she decided to follow them.

“Back! Begone, demons! Go back to hell!” Pentious shouted, as everyone approached the church. 

“Quiet asshole, this is a church,” Arackniss said. 

Pentious stood there, completely aghast, as the dead walked past him. Soon, everyone was seated. Alastor was standing by the altar, and Angel began walking down the aisle. 

The spider was positively glowing. Angel had waited for this day for years, and finally his dream was coming true. Alastor wore a soft smile. Any doubts he had were completely gone. In this moment, everything felt right.

Angel reached the altar, and Husk began speaking. “Dearly beloved and departed, we are gathered here today to join these two in marriage,” he began.

Charlie walked into the church, and gasped at what she saw. “Alastor?” she whispered. 

Alastor hadn’t noticed Charlie come in. He turned his full attention to Angel. “With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine,” he said.

“With this hand, I will lift ya sorrows,” Angel said, as he reached for the bottle of poison. “Ya cup will never empty, for I will be ya-,” he began. As Angel was pouring the poison into Alastor’s glass, he noticed Charlie standing a few feet away. “Ya...ya cup will never empty. For I….I…” Angel stammered.

“I will be your wine,” finished Alastor. He raised the cup to his lips, but Angel stopped him.

“I can’t,” Angel whispered. 

“What do you mean?” Alastor asked.

“This is wrong. I was a groom. My dreams were taken away. And now I stole them from someone else. I love ya, Alastor. So, so damn much. But ya ain’t mine,” Angel explained. 

Alastor finally looked over at Charlie, and he gasped. “Charlotte,” he said.

Charlie walked over cautiously. Angel gave her a gentle smile, then placed her hand in Alastor’s. Charlie and Alastor smiled at one another, but the moment was ruined when a door swung open.

“Well, isn’t this touching? I always cry at weddings,” Valentino grinned, as he stepped inside.


	10. Finally Free

Valentino continued walking to the altar, with a devilish grin on his face. “Well, well, Allie and Charlie are together at last. But Al, you forgot something,” he said, before stepping over to Charlie and grabbing her arm. “She’s my wife, bastard!” he shouted.

It was then Angel and Valentino’s eyes met. “Val…” Angel whispered.

“Angel?” Valentino asked in disbelief. 

“Ya left me for dead!” Angel shouted.

Valentino got over his shock, and it quickly turned into anger. “This guy is fucking crazy! Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he said, before drawing his sword and holding it to Charlie’s throat. “My wife and I need to get going,” he finished.

“Take your filthy hands off of her,” Alastor stated.

“What a fun surprise! I get to kill you too,” Valentino smiled.

Just then, Fat Nuggets bit Valentino’s leg. Valentino screamed and kicked the pig off, and Charlie used it as her chance to escape.

“Alastor! Catch!” Vaggie shouted, before she tossed Alastor a weapon. 

Unfortunately for Alastor, that weapon was a fork. He glared at Vaggie. “What? At least you got something!” she yelled.

Valentino and Alastor began fighting. Since all Alastor had to defend himself with was a fork, he wasn’t doing very well. Alastor still managed to block Valentino’s sword swings, but Valentino managed to kick Alastor to the ground. 

Valentino raised his sword, ready to strike. However, as Valentino swung his sword down, Angel had stepped in front of Alastor, blocking the attack. Angel pulled the sword from his chest and pointed it at Valentino.

“Get out,” he stated. 

“Fine, fine,” Valentino returned.

Before leaving, Valentino walked over to the altar and picked up the wine glass. “But...a toast to Angel! Always the best man, never the groom,” he chuckled. “Angel Cakes, can a heart still break when it’s stopped beating?” Valentino asked.

Angel only glared at him, not moving a muscle. “KICK HIS ASS, ANGEL!” Blitzo shouted. 

“He can’t! We need to follow those dumbass rules. The dead can’t hurt the living,” Husk said. 

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Valentino grinned, before he drank from the glass.

As Valentino walked to the door, he abruptly stopped in his tracks. He began to shift, and turned into a strange moth like version of himself.

“Oh sweet, he’s dead now!” Blitzo smiled.

“Huh, he is. Okay everybody, kick his fucking ass,” Husk said. 

All of the dead began menacingly walking over to Valentino. Valentino screamed and tried to get the door open to escape. The demons surrounded him and followed him out the door.

“New arrival…” Vaggie said, as she shut it behind them.

After everything quieted down, Charlie wrapped Alastor in an excited hug. “Alastor! I never thought I’d see you again,” she said. 

Angel watched as the two of them hugged, and began walking away. 

“Wait, I made a promise,” Alastor said. He left Charlie’s side and walked over to Angel. 

“Ya kept ya promise. Ya set me free, Al,” Angel replied. He slid the ring off his finger and handed it to Alastor. “And I’m gonna do the same,” he finished.

Angel walked towards the door leading out of the church. “Angel!” Alastor called, causing the spider to look back. “I’ll miss you,” he said.

“I’m gonna miss ya too,” Angel replied. He looked at Charlie and gave her a sad smile. “Take care of Alastor. He’s a really special guy,” he said.

“I will,” Charlie nodded, before she held Alastor’s hand.

Angel made it outside of the church. He dissolved into thousands of pale pink butterflies, and they flew off into the night sky. Charlie and Alastor watched from the ground below, embracing one another tightly. Alastor loved Charlie dearly and was thrilled to marry her, but he would never forget his corpse groom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....but like watch me write a Radiodust alternate ending.
> 
> Jk, jk. (Unless you guys want that...I’ll totally add another chapter if you do)


	11. Alternate Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And by popular demand, the Radiodust ending!

After everything quieted down, Charlie wrapped Alastor in an excited hug. “Alastor! I never thought I’d see you again,” she said. 

Angel watched as the two of them hugged, and began walking away. 

Alastor pulled away from the hug and sighed. “Charlie...I’m very sorry. Really, I am. But in the time we were apart, I started getting to know….someone else,” he said. Charlie’s eyes widened, and Angel stopped in his tracks.

“It isn’t that I don’t like you, Charlie. I still think you’re a marvelous person, I just don’t think you’re the one for me. And I hope you can forgive me,” Alastor continued.

Charlie smiled sadly and gave Alastor a soft hug. “It’s okay. I understand. I just hope one day I find someone who makes me as happy as Angel makes you,” she said.

“I’m sure you will. Like I said, you are positively remarkable,” Alastor said, before he let go. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I made a promise,” he finished.

Alastor walked over to Angel, who was still in complete shock. “Al…?” Angel asked.

“If you will still have me, I will be happy to marry you,” Alastor said.

Angel threw his arms around Alastor and cried happily. “Yes! Yes! Of course I’ll marry ya!” he exclaimed, before letting go. “I...I waited for this for so long and...fuck, I can’t even believe it,” he said, as he kept crying.

“I love you, Angel. And I want to be with you always,” Alastor said. 

Angel gave him a kiss on the cheek, and the two of them walked over to Husk. “Husker! Do you happen to have any of that poison left?” Alastor asked.

“I mean yeah. But do you REALLY want it? You saw what happened to fuckface over there. Drink this, and there’s no going back,” said Husk.

“I’ll do it. For my Angel,” Alastor said, causing Angel to blush.

Husk poured the poison into the wine glass and passed it to Alastor. Alastor took a deep breath, and he drank it. Almost instantly, his heart stopped beating. Alastor transformed into a deer demon, with bright red hair and bright red eyes. When the process finished, Alastor noticed the look on Angel’s face.

“I don’t look ridiculous, do I?” Alastor asked.

Angel quickly shook his head. “Ya look incredible,” he said quietly.

“Alright, so….shit, what was after the vows? Okay, I now pronounce you man and man. You may kiss the groom,” Husk said.

Angel and Alastor embraced one another and kissed each other passionately. Angel was still in disbelief that his dreams were coming true, and Alastor felt lucky to actually be marrying the person he wanted to be with.

When they pulled away, Charlie was clapping, with tears running down her face. “You’re very lucky, Angel. Alastor is an amazing person. And Alastor? I’ll never forget you,” she said.

“I’ll never forget you either, Charlie,” Alastor replied.

“Don’t worry, Charlie. I’m gonna take good care of him,” Angel said.

“You guys ready to go back to the Land of the Dead now?” Husk asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Alastor said, before he held Angel’s hand. 

“Great. Let’s head out to the forest; everyone else is probably kicking the shit out of Valentino,” Husk said, before he started to leave the church.

Angel and Alastor followed him, hand in hand. Alastor gave one final wave to Charlie, then he and Angel stepped outside of the church. Angel could barely contain his joy, and Alastor was the happiest he’d ever been. The two of them were looking forward to spending the rest of their afterlives together.


End file.
